14 essential truths about parenting a tween

Parents often worry as girls approach their tweens -- with such tumultuous years ahead, they wonder how they and their Mighty Girl will manage. In her article “14 Essential Truths About Raising A Tween Girl,” writer Galit Breen, the mother of three, shares what she’s learned about this challenging, but amazing, stage between childhood and adolescence.

In the tween years, Breen says, “[h]er personality has arrived….respect her need to figure out how she presents herself to the world -- even (especially?) if it's different than [you] would have imagined.” At the same time, she says, “She still needs you. I'm awestruck by my tween's independence daily, and it's easy to think, She's got this. But when we're home at the same time, I make myself available to her… every single day, at some random, often inconvenient time, she tells or asks or shares something I would have missed if I chose to be someplace else.”

Breen says tweens are generally kind, compassionate people: “Tweens and teens have a bad reputation… I think what we parents are really feeling when we cry, "Teen Surliness!" is the shift from little to big, ours to independent. When we're able to loosen our grip on their smallness, we're privy to an amazing person right in front of our eyes.” Similarly, although she may seem tough, “She’s sensitive… With growth and change comes vulnerability. Joking shouldn't cross over to teasing, and if you're lucky and she's let you in on her worries, never take advantage of that and use them against her.”

Mothers can show tweens that “Strong, smart and empathetic women are golden… follow your passions, speak your mind, and see your own value. She'll mirror you.” Remember that “How you treat people and how you let people treat you is what she'll know as normal. Be mindful and intentional about that. This includes how you talk to and about her, yourself and others.” And, while it may be difficult sometimes, “Don't shy away from hard conversations. Periods, boys, sex, sexuality, depression, alcohol, drugs, kindness, bullying, friendship -- it's a privilege to be the soft landing and the hard message sender. Act like it.”

To help tweens develop confidence, Breen says it’s important to communicate your faith in her: “There's a place for worrying…[b]ut in my heart of hearts, I know that worrying sends the subtle message that, ‘I don't think you can do this.’ And I'd rather (loudly) suggest, ‘I believe in you.’” She says, “There's a ridiculous amount of goodness to her -- she needs to hear that. Tell her directly and often and without worrying about spoiling her. Compliments should be given daily and freely and with wild abandon.” And, perhaps most importantly of all, “Be her biggest fan. Everyone deserves at least one person in their lives who thinks they hung the moon. Fill her heart with shared moments and words and presence and the knowledge that you're that person.”

To read all of Breen’s truths about tweens on Huff Post at http://huff.to/1rWpjEp

Galit Breen is the author of an excellent, newly released parenting book, "Kindness Wins: A Simple, No-Nonsense Guide to Teaching Our Kids How To Be Kind Online" at http://www.amightygirl.com/kindness-wins

A highly recommended resource to help mothers and daughters stay close during these transition years is the popular shared journal for ages 8 and up, "Just Between Us: A No-Stress, No-Rules Journal for Girls and Their Moms" at http://www.amightygirl.com/just-between-us

Another great book for mothers of older tweens and teens is the joint parent/teen guide book, "Mothering and Daughtering: Keeping Your Bond Strong Through the Teen Years" at http://www.amightygirl.com/mothering-and-daughtering

For an excellent resource for Mighty Girls themselves, check out the newly revised “Smart Girl’s Guide to Middle School” from the American Girl Library at http://www.amightygirl.com/a-smart-girl-s-guide-to-starting…

For two helpful guides for parents about the tween / middle school years, check out “Middle School Makeover” (http://www.amightygirl.com/middle-school-makeover) and “The Drama Years: Real Girls Talk About Surviving Middle School -- Bullies, Brands, Body Image, and More” (http://www.amightygirl.com/the-drama-years).

And, for a wide variety of books to help girls navigate the physical, emotional, and social changes experienced while growing up, visit our "Guides for Girls" section at http://www.amightygirl.com/…/personal-deve…/guides-for-girls